Quote

EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible, fantastic dream,/ Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem:/ From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge/ Of our bedfellow Death, and cry: O fudge!

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Things
Horrible
Wakened
Cry
Bedfellows
Seem
Fudge
Existence
Nudge
Death
Wherein
Dream
Transient
Seems
Friendly
Nothing
Fantastic

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A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.
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PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne.
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
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Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism. The Mad Philosopher, 1697
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A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.
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GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
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LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns.
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Don't steal thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.
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Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.
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REFERENDUM, n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion.
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UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
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Introduction - a social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.
Ambrose Bierce
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RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.
Ambrose Bierce
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Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.
Ambrose Bierce
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Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
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