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HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Sermons
Spirituality
Capacity
Conditions
Spiritual
Science
Adapting
Needs
Congregation
Capacities

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Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
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Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
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J, n. A consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel . . . from a Latin verb, jacere, to throw, because when a stone is thrown at a dog the dog's tail assumes that shape.
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USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion.
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A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal instance of the Creator's bounty in providing for the lives of His creatures.
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PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague today . . . is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
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Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.
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Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.
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TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.
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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.
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PESSIMISM- philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
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PAST, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance... The Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow. They are one - the knowledge and the dream.
Ambrose Bierce
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MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.
Ambrose Bierce
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FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.
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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
Ambrose Bierce
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Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery.
Ambrose Bierce
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
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APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider
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