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LAP, n. One of the most important organs of the female system - an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males.
Ambrose Bierce
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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Useful
Admirable
Adults
Plates
Festivities
Female
Chicken
Chiefly
Cold
Organs
Lap
System
Chickens
Rural
Support
Heads
Infancy
Nature
Adult
Provision
Important
Males
Repose
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ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.
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Justice is a commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
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To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
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Work: a dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing.
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A penny saved is a penny to squander.
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TENACITY, n. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics.
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Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.
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General, said the commander of the delinquent brigade, I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.
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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.
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Think twice before you speak to a friend in need
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EXPOSTULATION, n. One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends.
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PRE-ADAMITE, n. One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race of antedated Creation. . . . Little its known of them beyond the fact that they supplied Cain with a wife and theologians with a controversy.
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Mad adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves at odds with the majority in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.
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Contempt the feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.
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CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.
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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
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Ambrose Bierce