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MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Curiosity
Gratifying
Ancient
Egyptian
Animals
Handy
Animal
Distinguish
Men
Serves
Vulgar
Museums
Lower
Mummy

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HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.
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PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.
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INTENTION, n. The mind's sense of the prevalence of one set of influences over another set an effect whose cause is the imminence, immediate or remote, of the performance of an involuntary act.
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Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas.
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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.
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Self-evident, adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else.
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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
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Platitude: All that is mortal of a departed truth.
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Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
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Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
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PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.
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CENTAUR, n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch of differentiation, and who followed the primitive economic maxim, Every man his own horse.
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Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
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REPARATION, n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
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A popular writer writes about what people think. A wise writer offers them something to think about.
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BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.
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USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion.
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Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
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NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.
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Homicide, /n./ The slaying of one human by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he died by one kind or another - the classification is for the advantage of the lawyers.
Ambrose Bierce