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MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Lower
Mummy
Curiosity
Gratifying
Ancient
Egyptian
Animals
Handy
Animal
Distinguish
Men
Serves
Vulgar
Museums

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To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.
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SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar tumble-bug. It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity.
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Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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Potable, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine.
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Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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HASH: There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.
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MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition.
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ROMANCE, n. Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination . . .
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LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two.
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Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
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PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.
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