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Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.
Ambrose Bierce
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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
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Turkey
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Piety
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PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne.
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EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.
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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity
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Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
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PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.
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I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.
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I was born to poor because of honest parents.
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OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.
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DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.
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Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
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RATTLESNAKE, n. Our prostrate brother, Homo ventrambulans.
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REBEL, n. A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it.
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LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.
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BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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A penny saved is a penny to squander.
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POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.
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EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.
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ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.
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