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Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
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Turkey
Large
Piety
Whose
Eaten
Religious
Thanksgiving
Certain
Peculiar
Flesh
Gratitude
Anniversaries
Bird
Turkeys

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HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.
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PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence an attribute of the critic.
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FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.
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The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.
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ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.
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recollect, v. To recall with additions something not previously known.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London
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While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.
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LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.
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Behavior, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
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REFUSAL, n. Denial of something desired Refusals are graded in a descending scale of finality thus: the refusal absolute, the refusal condition, the refusal tentative and the refusal feminine. The last is called by some casuists the refusal assentive.
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Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
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RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.
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Introduction - a social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.
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A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.
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Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.
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SPOOKER, n. A writer whose imagination concerns itself with supernatural phenomena, especially in the doings of spooks.
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