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HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick.
Ambrose Bierce
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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Wishes
Humorist
Quick
Pharaohs
Cat
Softened
Israel
Austerity
Wish
Humorists
Best
Persuaded
Heart
Dismiss
Would
Plague
Pharaoh
More quotes by Ambrose Bierce
INJUSTICE, n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.
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RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.
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War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
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A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.
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The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.
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Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.
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GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted.
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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.
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A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.
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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.
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ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.
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Age is provident because the less future we have the more we fear it.
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Miss, n. A title which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
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A man is known by the company he organizes.
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Die: To stop sinning suddenly.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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Behavior, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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I was born to poor because of honest parents.
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DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.
Ambrose Bierce