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PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence an attribute of the critic.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Quality
Attributes
State
Imaginary
Known
Element
States
Actual
Excellence
Critics
Attribute
Perfection
Critic
Elements
Distinguished

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Dictionary: a malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.
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Condole - to show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.
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Introduction - a social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.
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A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.
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DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.
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ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.
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NEWTONIAN, Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.
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Glutton- A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.
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An aged Burgundy runs with a beardless Port. I cherish the fancy that Port speaks sentences of wisdom, Burgundy sings the inspired Ode.
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Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is. Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable. Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
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Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
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DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.
Ambrose Bierce
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A lottery is a tax on stupidity.
Ambrose Bierce
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PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
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ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
Ambrose Bierce
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Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
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