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A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Made
Distinction
Men
Preparation
Prepared
Along
Feet
Thoughtfully
System
Pitfalls
Path
Advances
Self
Grammar

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An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.
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Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
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HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
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ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.
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RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.
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The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
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PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.
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Evolutionary biology is genuinely scientific, but more than that it opens the door to a world more marvellous than any Christian fundamentalist has ever read into the pages of the Bible.
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HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old- fashioned sea-captains.
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The best kind of onion soup is the simplest kind.
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PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
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OUTCOME, n. A particular type of disappointment . . . . judged by the outcome, the result. This is immortal nonsense the wisdom of an act is to be juded by the light that the doer had when he performed it.
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Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.
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An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
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Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.
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Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.
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MONARCHICAL GOVERNMENT, n. Government.
Ambrose Bierce
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Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.
Ambrose Bierce