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Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Afford
Price
Economy
Cannot
Barrel
Need
Purchasing
Needs
Barrels
Whiskey
Cows

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A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.
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Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.
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Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.
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SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect.
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GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.
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A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.
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Suddenly to change one's opinions and go over to another party. The most notable flop on record was that of Saul of Tarsus, who has been severely criticised as a turn-coat by some of our partisan journals.
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A miracle is an act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.
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SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine.
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Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a headless hen.
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Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
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Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
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Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
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APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism. The Mad Philosopher, 1697
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Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.
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CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.
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Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.
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Least said is soon disavowed.
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