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REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Hope
Representative
House
Promotion
Next
Representatives
Without
Member
World
Lower
National
Members
Politics
Discernible

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Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
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PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
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PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.
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Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
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There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.
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Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
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What a woman most admires in a man is distinction among men. What a man most admires in a woman is devotion to himself.
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Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.
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CRAYFISH, n. A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster, but less indigestible.
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UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
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IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.
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Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber they fertilize.
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ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.
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A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.
Ambrose Bierce
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
Ambrose Bierce
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Historian - a broad-gauge gossip.
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Gout, a physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient
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A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.
Ambrose Bierce