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Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.
Ambrose Bierce
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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Flower
Smelling
Color
Commonly
Deals
Largely
Science
Vegetables
Wells
Badly
Well
Designed
Good
Ill
Flowers
Botany
More quotes by Ambrose Bierce
IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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Immoral is the judgment of the stalled ox on the gamboling lamb.
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Truth is so good a thing that falsehood can not afford to be without it.
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Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
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WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity.
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Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.
Ambrose Bierce
INTERPRETER, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
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Philanthropist, n.: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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MARTYR, One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.
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Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
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LOGOMACHY, n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem - a kind of contest in which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is denied the reward of success.
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BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion.
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Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
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GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.
Ambrose Bierce
predicament, n. The wage of consistency.
Ambrose Bierce
PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction - prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.
Ambrose Bierce
