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IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Devil
Farm
Sin
Farms
Growth
Sins
Experiments
Seeds
Staple
Vices
Staples
Model
Promotes
Models
Idleness

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Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
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Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
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TRUCE, n. Friendship.
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Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.
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Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire
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The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.
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CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
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Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.
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Die: To stop sinning suddenly.
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PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.
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DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
Ambrose Bierce
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TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.
Ambrose Bierce
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ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.
Ambrose Bierce
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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Ambrose Bierce