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Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.
Ambrose Bierce
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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Cook
Cooks
Custard
Produced
Malevolent
Substance
Detestable
Cooking
Hens
Food
Conspiracy
Culinary
Cows
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An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
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EXPOSTULATION, n. One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends.
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Brain, v. [as in to brain]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly to dispel a source of error in an opponent.
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CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.
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Glutton- A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.
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What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
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PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.
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It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.
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An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.
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INDISCRETION, n. The guilt of woman.
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ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.
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REVEILLE, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted.
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KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for bliss. It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer.
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DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.
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