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Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Cooks
Custard
Produced
Malevolent
Substance
Detestable
Cooking
Hens
Food
Conspiracy
Culinary
Cows
Cook

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Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
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PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. The Primate of England is the Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead. He is commonly dead.
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PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.
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Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the world, died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages, of whom not a single fragment was ever recovered.
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I think I think, therefore I think I am.
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It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.
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diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.
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A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.
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In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.
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