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Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
Ambrose Bierce
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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Worse
Two
Clarinet
Persons
Operated
Person
Cotton
Instrument
Torture
Instruments
Ears
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JOSS-STICKS- Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.
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FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think that we think. Mind, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain.
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PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.
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Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.
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Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
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Least said is soon disavowed.
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No country is so wild and difficult but men will make it a theater of war.
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General, said the commander of the delinquent brigade, I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.
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Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
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CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do me?
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Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.
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Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.
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CONGRESS, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.
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