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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Cooking
Serve
Food
State
Sauces
Religion
Mayonnaise
Place
Sauce
States
Culinary
French

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Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
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PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
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INTERPRETER, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
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PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] reading character in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word dupe.
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DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
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GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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Think twice before you speak to a friend in need
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Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.
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REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.
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IGNORAMUS, n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
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PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.
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To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
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HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick.
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Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.
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PIG, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
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PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.
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