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Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
Ambrose Bierce
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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
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ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.
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Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.
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CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. What! said one of his disciples, you weep at the death of an enemy? Ah, 'tis true, replied the great Stoic but you should see me smile at the death of a friend..
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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work upon a book, and so read out of it/ The qualities that you have first read into it.
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RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.
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PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.
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A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
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In theology, the state of a luckless mortal prenatally damned. The doctrine of reprobation was taught by Calvin, whose joy in it was somewhat marred by the sad sincerity of his conviction that although some are foredoomed to perdition, others are predestined to salvation.
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A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors - to dislodge the worms.
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Introduction - a social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.
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One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.
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