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Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Drunk
Cooking
Bacchus
Excuse
Ancients
Ancient
Deity
Wine
Deities
Food
Convenient
Getting
Culinary
Invented

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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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NECTAR, n. A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief ingredient.
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In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.
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Hurry n: The dispatch of bunglers.
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Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
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Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.
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When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.
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Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.
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LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.
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STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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LIMB, n. The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman.
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PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.
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Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.
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