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Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Garden
Large
Mankind
Food
Cabbage
Wise
Vegetable
Head
Vegetables
Men
Kitchen
Familiar

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FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.
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PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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A man is the sum of his ancestors to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves.
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Nothing is more logical than persecution. Religious tolerance is a kind of infidelity.
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REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
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INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
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RESPIRATOR, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.
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Learning -the kind of ignorance affected by (and affecting) civilized races, as distinguished from ignorance, the sort of learning incurred by savages. See nonsense.
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OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
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Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.
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ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.
Ambrose Bierce
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Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
Ambrose Bierce
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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
Ambrose Bierce
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HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick.
Ambrose Bierce
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Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
Ambrose Bierce
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Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.
Ambrose Bierce
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Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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