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Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
Ambrose Bierce
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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Animal
Vegetarian
Purpose
Instrument
Used
Mouth
Fork
Mouths
Forks
Instruments
Chiefly
Putting
Vegan
Animals
Culinary
Dead
Sarcastic
More quotes by Ambrose Bierce
ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.
Ambrose Bierce
GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.
Ambrose Bierce
Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.
Ambrose Bierce
A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.
Ambrose Bierce
Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
Ambrose Bierce
Houseless: Having paid all taxes on household goods.
Ambrose Bierce
MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.
Ambrose Bierce
PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.
Ambrose Bierce
I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.
Ambrose Bierce
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral.
Ambrose Bierce
FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London
Ambrose Bierce
PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
Ambrose Bierce
RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.
Ambrose Bierce
NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.
Ambrose Bierce
An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
Ambrose Bierce
NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
Ambrose Bierce
Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.
Ambrose Bierce
MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.
Ambrose Bierce
NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.
Ambrose Bierce
The wife, or bitter half.
Ambrose Bierce
