Quote

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Used
Mouth
Fork
Mouths
Forks
Instruments
Chiefly
Putting
Vegan
Animals
Culinary
Dead
Sarcastic
Animal
Vegetarian
Purpose
Instrument

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PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
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BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.
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Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
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Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.
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A modern school where football is taught.
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The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
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A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.
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FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.
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A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.
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Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Ambrose Bierce
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REPUBLIC, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience.
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Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.
Ambrose Bierce
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DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.
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Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.
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A man is the sum of his ancestors to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.
Ambrose Bierce
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NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
Ambrose Bierce
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DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.
Ambrose Bierce
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Advice, the smallest current coin.
Ambrose Bierce