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Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Used
Mouth
Fork
Mouths
Forks
Instruments
Chiefly
Putting
Vegan
Animals
Culinary
Dead
Sarcastic
Animal
Vegetarian
Purpose
Instrument

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Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.
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The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.
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When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.
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PIG, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
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Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
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applause, n. The echo of a platitude.
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CAVILER, n. A critic of our own work.
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CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.
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POSITIVISM- A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.
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Every heart is the lair of a ferocious animal. The greatest wrong that you can put upon a man is to provoke him to let out his beast.
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When publicly censured our first instinct is to make everybody a codefendant.
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PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
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An archbishop is an ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.
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TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect (Glossina morsitans) whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist (Mendax interminabilis).
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Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.
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FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs
Ambrose Bierce
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Twice – Once too often.
Ambrose Bierce
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
Ambrose Bierce
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Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
Ambrose Bierce