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Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Inspiration
Brides
Happiness
Prospect
Wedding
Woman
Perspective
Behinds
Marriage
Behind
Housework
Fine
Bride

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Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
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MONARCH, n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion to learn.
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ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.
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Don't steal thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.
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The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men - were it not for a mawkish humanitarianism, coupled with imperfect digestive powers, we should devour our young, as Nature intended.
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Kindness n: A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.
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PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.
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IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.
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Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.
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Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
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Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.
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POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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LIAR, n. One who tells an unpleasant truth.
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PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.
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Fear has no brains it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.
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UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.
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It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.
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PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.
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