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Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Humor
Joy
Happiness
Arising
Happy
Agreeable
Funny
Sensation
Another
Contemplating
Sensations
Misery

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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old- fashioned sea-captains.
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BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters - the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.
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MULTITUDE, n. A crowd the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of the statesman's adoration.
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Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
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Least said is soon disavowed.
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Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire
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Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the world, died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages, of whom not a single fragment was ever recovered.
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Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs
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DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
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gratitude, n. A sentiment lying midway between a benefit received and a benefit expected.
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CUNNING, n. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction and great material adversity. An Italian proverb says: The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.
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picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.
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A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
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UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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