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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Great
Functionary
Anoint
Grease
Slippery
Sufficiently
King
Kings
Already

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New York is too strenuous for me it gets on my nerves.
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Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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Nothing is more logical than persecution. Religious tolerance is a kind of infidelity.
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PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom - and of whom only - it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.
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URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, I beg your pardon, and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others.
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There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.
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prospect, n. An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden.
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Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
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CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.
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actually, adv. Perhaps possibly.
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WRATH, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to exalted characters and momentous occasions as, the wrath of God, the day of wrath, etc. . . .
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EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.
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PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called trousers by the enlightened and pants by the unworthy.
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SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar tumble-bug. It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
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Spring beckons! All things to the call respond the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.
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Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.
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