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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Great
Functionary
Anoint
Grease
Slippery
Sufficiently
King
Kings
Already

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I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
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PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.
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Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.
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A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
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An aged Burgundy runs with a beardless Port. I cherish the fancy that Port speaks sentences of wisdom, Burgundy sings the inspired Ode.
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ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A man in bed or a cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith, though Horizontalists hold that the posture of the body was immaterial.
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EXECUTIVE, n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no effect.
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resolute, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.
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WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.
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applause, n. The echo of a platitude.
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pleasure, n. The least hateful form of dejection.
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The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.
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In forgiving an injury be somewhat ceremonious, lest your magnanimity be construed as indifference.
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Hope is an explorer who surveys the country ahead. That is why we know so much about the Hereafter and so little about the Heretofore.
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There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself whereas he is a fool then only.
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PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
Ambrose Bierce