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Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Concerned
Worth
Lost
Reality
Unduly
Preservation
Jealous
Keeping
Losing

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Work: a dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing.
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PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.
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MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.
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EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.
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Noise: a stench in the ear.
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Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
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The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.
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An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
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PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague today . . . is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
Ambrose Bierce
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FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London
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ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.
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Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
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Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.
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WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.
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RESPIRATOR, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.
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Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.
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OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.
Ambrose Bierce
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Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
Ambrose Bierce