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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Ambrose Bierce
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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Conservative
Statesmen
Politician
Conservatism
Politics
Evils
Evil
Replace
Wish
Distinguished
Others
Existing
Statesmanship
Political
Wishes
Enamored
Liberal
Statesman
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GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted.
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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
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Even the laws of justice themselves cannot subsist without mixture of injustice.
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DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number - just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.
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Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.
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The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men - were it not for a mawkish humanitarianism, coupled with imperfect digestive powers, we should devour our young, as Nature intended.
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A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.
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RAREBIT n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and that riz-de-veau à la financière is not the smile of a calf prepared after the recipe of a she banker.
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Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
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Damning, with bell, book and candle / Some sinner whose opinions are a scandal. / A rite permitting Satan to enslave him / Forever, and forbidding Christ to save him.
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RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.
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REPUBLIC, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience.
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One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.
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