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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Feeling
Garments
Child
Mum
Family
Clothings
Maa
Feelings
Motherhood
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Sweater
Children
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Mothering
Childhood
Garment
Clothes
Sweaters

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The creator and arbiter of beauty is the heart to the male rattlesnake the female rattlesnake is the loveliest thing in nature.
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RABBLE, n. In a republic, those who exercise a supreme authority tempered by fraudulent elections. The rabble is like the sacred Simurgh, of Arabian fable - omnipotent on condition that it do nothing.
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MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.
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VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.
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SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.
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Magic: (n) The art of converting superstition into coin.
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There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.
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The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men - were it not for a mawkish humanitarianism, coupled with imperfect digestive powers, we should devour our young, as Nature intended.
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PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.
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Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.
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Spring beckons! All things to the call respond the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.
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The circus a place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
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MAMMON, n. The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.
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DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.
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Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.
Ambrose Bierce
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UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
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Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.
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FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.
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Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
Ambrose Bierce