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I've realized that the world is, in essence, full of banana peels - loaded with things that may unwittingly trip an internal wire in my mind, opening a floodgate of fears without warning.
Amanda Lindhout
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Amanda Lindhout
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 12
Autobiographer
Humanitarian
Journalist
Scott
Without
Internal
Peels
Mind
Warning
Unwittingly
Things
Fears
Banana
World
Opening
Bananas
Realized
Loaded
Essence
Wire
Full
Trip
May
Internals
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Being in the dark, there's a real weight to it. It's heavy.
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After being in captivity for so long, I can't begin to describe how wonderful it feels to be home in Canada.
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In my version of paradise, the air was always cold and the rivers ran with candy.
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I don't think I'm unusual in that, in my 20s, like many people, I felt invincible.
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I swung from one place to the next, sometimes backward, sometimes forward, capitalizing on my own momentum, knowing that at some point my arms—or, more accurately, my quivering bank balance, accessed through foreign ATMs—would give out, and I’d fall to the ground.
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Getting on a plane is hard for me, but I do it, because travel is vital to me.
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I, too, was carrying around my own fate. All the things I couldn't know sat somewhere inside, embroidered into me-maybe not quite fixed to the point of inevitability but waiting, in any event, for a chance to unspool.
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I am so proud to be a Canadian.
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I think it's the human spirit inside of all of us that has an enormous capacity to survive.
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I have watched lives change. I have seen women gain confidence.
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I'm not afraid of IED's, bullets, mortars.
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I'm afraid of elevators, because they are an enclosed space, but I get in.
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We all waited on an afterlife. Only I planned to be alive for mine.
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Friendships that don't fit my life anymore have faded away, and new ones have come in.
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Contemplating Christmas when you are isolated and far from home brings its own unique pain.
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I think that I find a lot of my healing out in the world.
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The road to recovery will not always be easy, but I will take it one day at a time, focusing on the moments I've dreamed about for so long.
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I used my captors names every chance I had. It was intentional, a way of reminding them that I saw them, of pegging them, of making them see me in return.
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Because that’s the thing about the exact moment when you get somewhere that has required effort: There’s a freeze-frame instant of total fulfillment, when every expectation has been met and the world is perfect.
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Forgiving is not an easy thing to do.
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