Quote

I was on the highway - I saw the scariest thing in the world, man. I saw an Asian driving an SUV. Really, I just drove my car right into the guardrail, figured I'd save him some time.

Alonzo Bodden

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Alonzo Bodden
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: June 13
Actor
Comedian
Voice Actor
Queens
New York
Saws
Highway
Right
Drove
Thing
Highways
Really
Figured
Men
Asian
Time
Driving
World
Save
Car
Scariest

More quotes by Alonzo Bodden

Image
I was teaching airplane mechanics when I realized it was more fun to make them laugh. I was laid off one more time and I never looked back, although it was nice to have a steady paycheck and benefits.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
Women like jewelry. They're like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they'll follow you home.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I could always make people laugh.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
The difference, generally speaking, between sportbike people and cruiser people is that sportbike people like performance skill and wear safety gear cruisers like chrome, noise, and style. It's funny to me to separate them because I ride both. I prefer performance cruisers like the Honda Valkyrie I had or my Triumph Rocket III.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I didn't understand NASCAR until I met some NASCAR fans. You talk to a couple of NASCAR fans and you'll see where a shiny car driving in a circle would fascinate them all day. And I can make fun of NASCAR fans, because if they chase me, I just turn right.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It's been along for years... it's called cash.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
You can't bring tweezers on an airplane. If I'm on a plane and you try to hijack it with tweezers, I'll whip your ass, man. You think I'm going to be late because you've got tweezers and a bad attitude?
Alonzo Bodden
Image
We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I'm a black male, over 40, with no kids, living in the suburbs - they wanted to put me in a museum. Why did I move to the suburbs? I started watching Desperate Housewives. If comedy didn't work out I can always try gardening.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
There's always something that's going to kill us all. A few years ago, tomatoes were going to kill us and a few years before that it was spinach. The FDA is run by a 7-year-old kid that hates vegetables!
Alonzo Bodden
Image
They sold me a duvet cover, and I don't have a duvet, I don't think. Then, they started treating me like I'm the idiot. They're like, 'Do you have a comforter?' 'Yeah.' 'Well, you have to protect it!' I had no idea it was under attack.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I work out with alot of gay guys at the gym. I do, because my only goal is to get into gay shape. Now, you know what I'm talking about. Gay men are the most ripped kind of... listen... I don't know how strong you have to be to blow a guy, but I'm guessin', there is some muscle involved.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I like psycho chicks... Yeah, you hook up with a psycho, you're gonna learn something. First thing you learn is how to sleep with one eye open.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
Watching news showing all the same sex marriages. How long before first same sex divorce?
Alonzo Bodden
Image
There are three goals for any comedian: to make a living as a comedian I've been fortunate to do that. To make a name for yourself and to be famous would be great - because it would give me that freedom.
Alonzo Bodden