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You can't bring tweezers on an airplane. If I'm on a plane and you try to hijack it with tweezers, I'll whip your ass, man. You think I'm going to be late because you've got tweezers and a bad attitude?
Alonzo Bodden
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Alonzo Bodden
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: June 13
Actor
Comedian
Voice Actor
Queens
New York
Bring
Whip
Trying
Whips
Going
Plane
Men
Airplane
Think
Ass
Thinking
Planes
Late
Attitude
Hijack
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I wasn't always a comic, I used to do honest work.
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They sold me a duvet cover, and I don't have a duvet, I don't think. Then, they started treating me like I'm the idiot. They're like, 'Do you have a comforter?' 'Yeah.' 'Well, you have to protect it!' I had no idea it was under attack.
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Black people don't hijack planes, alright? Now I'll be the first to admit, we steal a lot of stuff, but we do not hijack planes. In fact, in the history of aviation, a black person has never even attempted to hijack a plane. Do you want to know why? Because you can't sell an airplane.
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Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.
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I ride because there’s nothing like in the world. It’s a passion. It’s something I absolutely have to do and I can never imagine not doing it.
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I'm a black male, over 40, with no kids, living in the suburbs - they wanted to put me in a museum. Why did I move to the suburbs? I started watching Desperate Housewives. If comedy didn't work out I can always try gardening.
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Latinos outnumber Black people now. I'm not too happy about it. Because it's only a matter of time before we lose our month. Soon as they figure it out, they're going to have Latino History Month. All we're going to have is Cinco de Negro.
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I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.
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I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.
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I was teaching airplane mechanics when I realized it was more fun to make them laugh. I was laid off one more time and I never looked back, although it was nice to have a steady paycheck and benefits.
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In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening.
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I could always make people laugh.
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Nothing good ever climbed up the side of a boat.
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I grew up in the suburbs. I'm an angry suburban nergo. I'm bad in, like, Starbucks. I'll hurt you over a frappuccino.
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Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It's been along for years... it's called cash.
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