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Watching news showing all the same sex marriages. How long before first same sex divorce?
Alonzo Bodden
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Alonzo Bodden
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: June 13
Actor
Comedian
Voice Actor
Queens
New York
Sex
News
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More quotes by Alonzo Bodden
I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.
Alonzo Bodden
The difference, generally speaking, between sportbike people and cruiser people is that sportbike people like performance skill and wear safety gear cruisers like chrome, noise, and style. It's funny to me to separate them because I ride both. I prefer performance cruisers like the Honda Valkyrie I had or my Triumph Rocket III.
Alonzo Bodden
I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.
Alonzo Bodden
I was teaching airplane mechanics when I realized it was more fun to make them laugh. I was laid off one more time and I never looked back, although it was nice to have a steady paycheck and benefits.
Alonzo Bodden
I didn't understand NASCAR until I met some NASCAR fans. You talk to a couple of NASCAR fans and you'll see where a shiny car driving in a circle would fascinate them all day. And I can make fun of NASCAR fans, because if they chase me, I just turn right.
Alonzo Bodden
We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.
Alonzo Bodden
I was on the highway - I saw the scariest thing in the world, man. I saw an Asian driving an SUV. Really, I just drove my car right into the guardrail, figured I'd save him some time.
Alonzo Bodden
There's always something that's going to kill us all. A few years ago, tomatoes were going to kill us and a few years before that it was spinach. The FDA is run by a 7-year-old kid that hates vegetables!
Alonzo Bodden
Women like jewelry. They're like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they'll follow you home.
Alonzo Bodden
I like psycho chicks... Yeah, you hook up with a psycho, you're gonna learn something. First thing you learn is how to sleep with one eye open.
Alonzo Bodden
I could always make people laugh.
Alonzo Bodden
A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.
Alonzo Bodden
There are three goals for any comedian: to make a living as a comedian I've been fortunate to do that. To make a name for yourself and to be famous would be great - because it would give me that freedom.
Alonzo Bodden
In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening.
Alonzo Bodden
Nothing good ever climbed up the side of a boat.
Alonzo Bodden
I grew up in the suburbs. I'm an angry suburban nergo. I'm bad in, like, Starbucks. I'll hurt you over a frappuccino.
Alonzo Bodden
Latinos outnumber Black people now. I'm not too happy about it. Because it's only a matter of time before we lose our month. Soon as they figure it out, they're going to have Latino History Month. All we're going to have is Cinco de Negro.
Alonzo Bodden
Black people don't hijack planes, alright? Now I'll be the first to admit, we steal a lot of stuff, but we do not hijack planes. In fact, in the history of aviation, a black person has never even attempted to hijack a plane. Do you want to know why? Because you can't sell an airplane.
Alonzo Bodden
I wasn't always a comic, I used to do honest work.
Alonzo Bodden
Comedy is the drug, when they laugh it's like I'm a jazz musician and they hear it, and they get it. It's power to take the crowd wherever I want them to go. I love it when they laugh, especially when they relate through laughter. It's a beautiful thing. It also means I'm going to get paid, which is nice.
Alonzo Bodden
