Quote

There's always something that's going to kill us all. A few years ago, tomatoes were going to kill us and a few years before that it was spinach. The FDA is run by a 7-year-old kid that hates vegetables!

Alonzo Bodden

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Alonzo Bodden
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: June 13
Actor
Comedian
Voice Actor
Queens
New York
Going
Tomatoes
Something
Hates
Years
Vegetables
Always
Kill
Year
Hate
Running
Fda
Kids
Spinach

More quotes by Alonzo Bodden

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We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.
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In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening.
Alonzo Bodden
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I ride because there’s nothing like in the world. It’s a passion. It’s something I absolutely have to do and I can never imagine not doing it.
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I was teaching airplane mechanics when I realized it was more fun to make them laugh. I was laid off one more time and I never looked back, although it was nice to have a steady paycheck and benefits.
Alonzo Bodden
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I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.
Alonzo Bodden
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I wasn't always a comic, I used to do honest work.
Alonzo Bodden
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I was on the highway - I saw the scariest thing in the world, man. I saw an Asian driving an SUV. Really, I just drove my car right into the guardrail, figured I'd save him some time.
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I could always make people laugh.
Alonzo Bodden
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Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It's been along for years... it's called cash.
Alonzo Bodden
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I grew up in the suburbs. I'm an angry suburban nergo. I'm bad in, like, Starbucks. I'll hurt you over a frappuccino.
Alonzo Bodden
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I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.
Alonzo Bodden
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They sold me a duvet cover, and I don't have a duvet, I don't think. Then, they started treating me like I'm the idiot. They're like, 'Do you have a comforter?' 'Yeah.' 'Well, you have to protect it!' I had no idea it was under attack.
Alonzo Bodden
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I work out with alot of gay guys at the gym. I do, because my only goal is to get into gay shape. Now, you know what I'm talking about. Gay men are the most ripped kind of... listen... I don't know how strong you have to be to blow a guy, but I'm guessin', there is some muscle involved.
Alonzo Bodden
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Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.
Alonzo Bodden
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Watching news showing all the same sex marriages. How long before first same sex divorce?
Alonzo Bodden
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You can't bring tweezers on an airplane. If I'm on a plane and you try to hijack it with tweezers, I'll whip your ass, man. You think I'm going to be late because you've got tweezers and a bad attitude?
Alonzo Bodden
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Latinos outnumber Black people now. I'm not too happy about it. Because it's only a matter of time before we lose our month. Soon as they figure it out, they're going to have Latino History Month. All we're going to have is Cinco de Negro.
Alonzo Bodden
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I didn't understand NASCAR until I met some NASCAR fans. You talk to a couple of NASCAR fans and you'll see where a shiny car driving in a circle would fascinate them all day. And I can make fun of NASCAR fans, because if they chase me, I just turn right.
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I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.
Alonzo Bodden
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Comedy is the drug, when they laugh it's like I'm a jazz musician and they hear it, and they get it. It's power to take the crowd wherever I want them to go. I love it when they laugh, especially when they relate through laughter. It's a beautiful thing. It also means I'm going to get paid, which is nice.
Alonzo Bodden