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There are three goals for any comedian: to make a living as a comedian I've been fortunate to do that. To make a name for yourself and to be famous would be great - because it would give me that freedom.

Alonzo Bodden

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Alonzo Bodden
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: June 13
Actor
Comedian
Voice Actor
Queens
New York
Would
Goal
Freedom
Living
Comedian
Three
Fortunate
Give
Famous
Giving
Goals
Great
Name
Make
Names

More quotes by Alonzo Bodden

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Women like jewelry. They're like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they'll follow you home.
Alonzo Bodden
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They sold me a duvet cover, and I don't have a duvet, I don't think. Then, they started treating me like I'm the idiot. They're like, 'Do you have a comforter?' 'Yeah.' 'Well, you have to protect it!' I had no idea it was under attack.
Alonzo Bodden
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Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.
Alonzo Bodden
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Watching news showing all the same sex marriages. How long before first same sex divorce?
Alonzo Bodden
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In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening.
Alonzo Bodden
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There's always something that's going to kill us all. A few years ago, tomatoes were going to kill us and a few years before that it was spinach. The FDA is run by a 7-year-old kid that hates vegetables!
Alonzo Bodden
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Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It's been along for years... it's called cash.
Alonzo Bodden
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Nothing good ever climbed up the side of a boat.
Alonzo Bodden
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A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.
Alonzo Bodden
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We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.
Alonzo Bodden
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I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.
Alonzo Bodden
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I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.
Alonzo Bodden
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I could always make people laugh.
Alonzo Bodden
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I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.
Alonzo Bodden
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Black people don't hijack planes, alright? Now I'll be the first to admit, we steal a lot of stuff, but we do not hijack planes. In fact, in the history of aviation, a black person has never even attempted to hijack a plane. Do you want to know why? Because you can't sell an airplane.
Alonzo Bodden
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I ride because there’s nothing like in the world. It’s a passion. It’s something I absolutely have to do and I can never imagine not doing it.
Alonzo Bodden
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I work out with alot of gay guys at the gym. I do, because my only goal is to get into gay shape. Now, you know what I'm talking about. Gay men are the most ripped kind of... listen... I don't know how strong you have to be to blow a guy, but I'm guessin', there is some muscle involved.
Alonzo Bodden
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The difference, generally speaking, between sportbike people and cruiser people is that sportbike people like performance skill and wear safety gear cruisers like chrome, noise, and style. It's funny to me to separate them because I ride both. I prefer performance cruisers like the Honda Valkyrie I had or my Triumph Rocket III.
Alonzo Bodden
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I'm a black male, over 40, with no kids, living in the suburbs - they wanted to put me in a museum. Why did I move to the suburbs? I started watching Desperate Housewives. If comedy didn't work out I can always try gardening.
Alonzo Bodden
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I wasn't always a comic, I used to do honest work.
Alonzo Bodden