Quote

I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.

Alonzo Bodden

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Alonzo Bodden
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: June 13
Actor
Comedian
Voice Actor
Queens
New York
Make
Fantasies
Insurance
Claim
Burning
Claims
Fantasy
Company

More quotes by Alonzo Bodden

Image
There are three goals for any comedian: to make a living as a comedian I've been fortunate to do that. To make a name for yourself and to be famous would be great - because it would give me that freedom.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
Women like jewelry. They're like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they'll follow you home.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I could always make people laugh.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I wasn't always a comic, I used to do honest work.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
Black people don't hijack planes, alright? Now I'll be the first to admit, we steal a lot of stuff, but we do not hijack planes. In fact, in the history of aviation, a black person has never even attempted to hijack a plane. Do you want to know why? Because you can't sell an airplane.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I was on the highway - I saw the scariest thing in the world, man. I saw an Asian driving an SUV. Really, I just drove my car right into the guardrail, figured I'd save him some time.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
Nothing good ever climbed up the side of a boat.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I was teaching airplane mechanics when I realized it was more fun to make them laugh. I was laid off one more time and I never looked back, although it was nice to have a steady paycheck and benefits.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
Comedy is the drug, when they laugh it's like I'm a jazz musician and they hear it, and they get it. It's power to take the crowd wherever I want them to go. I love it when they laugh, especially when they relate through laughter. It's a beautiful thing. It also means I'm going to get paid, which is nice.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I like psycho chicks... Yeah, you hook up with a psycho, you're gonna learn something. First thing you learn is how to sleep with one eye open.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I work out with alot of gay guys at the gym. I do, because my only goal is to get into gay shape. Now, you know what I'm talking about. Gay men are the most ripped kind of... listen... I don't know how strong you have to be to blow a guy, but I'm guessin', there is some muscle involved.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
You can't bring tweezers on an airplane. If I'm on a plane and you try to hijack it with tweezers, I'll whip your ass, man. You think I'm going to be late because you've got tweezers and a bad attitude?
Alonzo Bodden
Image
I grew up in the suburbs. I'm an angry suburban nergo. I'm bad in, like, Starbucks. I'll hurt you over a frappuccino.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening.
Alonzo Bodden
Image
The difference, generally speaking, between sportbike people and cruiser people is that sportbike people like performance skill and wear safety gear cruisers like chrome, noise, and style. It's funny to me to separate them because I ride both. I prefer performance cruisers like the Honda Valkyrie I had or my Triumph Rocket III.
Alonzo Bodden