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I didn't really want to be a comedian.

Allen Carr

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Allen Carr
Age: 72 †
Born: 1934
Born: September 2
Died: 2006
Died: November 29
Auditor
Author
Essayist
Organizational Worker
Writer
London
England
Comedian
Didn
Really

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Modern man threw a brick through his own window in order to sell himself a burglar alarm.
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I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.
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I've met Nicole Kidman, Elton John, loads of people.
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I'm just generally hugely frustrated, I'm a very, very frustrated man. I'm just a ball of pent-up frustration.
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I think over there in Montreal they're a bit hardcore with the old homos. They're not that keen on them.
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I still get excited about meeting celebrities, because I don't think I'm a celebrity myself.
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I haven't really got much get up and go. I can't believe I'm on the telly. I'm so lazy.
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I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl.
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A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere.
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I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh.
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If you go on stage with the wrong attitude, or something in your performance is off, you can lose an audience in the first minute. That first minute is crucial.
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You should never meet your heroes. Paul Newman... I was so excited about meeting him, but he turned up in shell suit bottoms, slippers, and a jumper. He was just so worn out and old, he wanted to go home.
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The whole business of smoking is like forcing yourself to wear tight shoes just to get the pleasure of taking them off.
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I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.
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