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How we feel about our kids isn't as important as how they experience those feelings and how they regard the way we treat them.

Alfie Kohn

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Alfie Kohn
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: October 15
Author
Teacher
Writer
Miami Beach
Florida
Regard
Experience
Feelings
Kids
Feel
Feels
Important
Treat
Way
Treats

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How can we do our best when we are spending our energies trying to make others lose - and fearing that they will make us lose?
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The overwhelming number of teachers ...are unable to name or describe a theory of learning that underlies what they do.
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We learn most readily, most naturally, most effectively, when we start with the big picture - precisely when the basics don't come first.
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Those who know they're valued irrespective of their accomplishments often end up accomplishing quite a lot. It's the experience of being accepted without conditions that helps people develop a healthy confidence in themselves, a belief that it's safe to take risks and try new things.
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If children feel safe, they can take risks, ask questions, make mistakes, learn to trust, share their feelings, and grow.
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You have to give them unconditional love. They need to know that even if they screw up, you love them. You don't want them to grow up and resent you or, even worse, parent the way you parented them.
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If a child is off-task...mayb e the problem is not the child...maybe it's the task.
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The Legacy of Behaviorism: Do this and you'll get that.
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Grades are a subjective rating masquerading as an objective evaluation.
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If unconditional love and genuine enthusiasm are present, praise isn't necessary. If they're absent, praise won't help.
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If rewards do not work, what does? I recommend that employers pay workers well and fairly and then do everything possible to help them forget about money. A preoccupation with money distracts everyone - employers and employees - from the issues that really matter.
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The race to win turns us all into losers.
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Punishments and rewards are two sides of the same coin and that coin doesn't buy you much.
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Grades dilute the pleasure that a student experiences on successfully completing a task.
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To feel controlled is to lose interest.
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Unconditional parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason.
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People will typically be more enthusiastic where they feel a sense of belonging and see themselves as part of a community than they will in a workplace in which each person is left to his own devices
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The value of a book about dealing with children is inversely proportional to the number of times it contains the word behavior.
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Children, after all, are not just adults-in-the-making. They are people whose current needs and rights and experiences must be taken seriously.
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Students should not only be trained to live in a democracy when they grow up they should have the chance to live in one today.
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