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If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

Alexei Sayle

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Alexei Sayle
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: August 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
City of Liverpool
Alexei David Sayle
Start
Shops
Family
Helped
Littles
Stores
Little
Charity
Cobblers
Fruit
Centres
City
Hardware
Cities
Lottery
Open
Centre

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I have a lot of nice Italian winter clothes that make me look like a sophisticated Lebanese professor, so my friend Robert and I go around pretending to be experts in Arabic politics. It doesn't work in the summer though. I don't have the right clothes.
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If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift' they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains' they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.'
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The optimum frequency with which comedians should do a series is every year. I do one every three years. My audience is literally dying off.
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For me, the showbiz memoir is uninteresting - you want to tell people something they don't know about.
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Everyone I used to work with is still alive and can afford expensive lawyers.
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I exist as an annexe of the BBC. I'm down the road a bit from the main building, in a little hut.
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A lot of those comics can't hold down relationships and they've got no other life apart from performing. They sleep in their Jags and a lot of them can't even talk. All they can do is tell gags.
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People aren't universally heroic.
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Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.
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Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.
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You can't do comedy with a beard.
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I liked 35 and in both my novels that is the age of the lead characters. I tried making them my age but they just seemed to keep moaning about stuff.
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Even a blind dog can find a bone every so often.
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Most of my friends are women - I quite fancied being a woman in a way.
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I don't think I'd ever get thin, but I don't see why I should necessarily think that I couldn't You can't live your life for your routines.
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But as in all cults, what's central to the Communist Party is the belief system and the elimination of nuance. From there you're very slowly led down the road to fanaticism and mass murder.
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It seems easier to make a career out of comedy now than it was in the 1980s.
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I don't think people were that interested in what I was doing for the most of the 1990s.
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Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like Brothers in Arms and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.
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Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.
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