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All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.

Alexander Woollcott

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Alexander Woollcott
Age: 56 †
Born: 1887
Born: January 19
Died: 1943
Died: January 23
Actor
Critic
Journalist
Literary Critic
Radio Personality
Writer
Phalanx
New Jersey
Alexander Humphreys Woollcott
Fats
Illegal
Food
Either
Funny
Really
Fattening
Things
Immoral
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The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs.
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Los Angeles is seven suburbs in search of a city.
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There's absolutely nothing wrong with Oscar Levant that a miracle can't fix.
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It comes from the likes of you! Take what you can get! Grab the chances as they come along! Act in hallways! Sing in doorways! Dance in cellars!
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Babies in silk hats playing with dynamite.
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There's nothing wrong with Oscar Levant - nothing a miracle won't cure.
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I count it a high honor to belong to a profession in which the good men write every paragraph, every sentence, every line, as lovingly as any Addison or Steele, and do so in full regard that by tomorrow it will have been burned, or used, if at all, to line a shelf.
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Many of us spend half of our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.
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A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go.
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To all things clergic I am allergic.
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Today just might be the best day to start seriously thinking about quitting smoking.
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Mrs. Patrick Cambell is an aged British battleship sinking rapidly and firing every available gun on her rescuers.
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Reading Proust is like bathing in someone else's dirty water.
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It was Mrs. Campbell, for instance, who, on a celebrated occasion, threw her companion into a flurry by describing her recent marriage as the deep, deep peace of the double-bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-longue.
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The scenery in the play was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it.
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I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it.
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His huff arrived and he departed in it.
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At 83, George Bernard Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's.
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Nothing risque, nothing gained.
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One listens to one's lawyer prattle on as long as one can stand it and then signs where indicated.
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