Quote

I had a great many sex and love cases where people were absolutely devastated when somebody with whom they were compulsively in love didn't love them back. They were killing themselves with anxiety and depression.

Albert Ellis

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Albert Ellis
Age: 93 †
Born: 1913
Born: September 27
Died: 2007
Died: July 24
Behaviour Therapist
Cognitive Scientist
Non-Fiction Writer
Psychologist
Sex Educator
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Cases
Somebody
Compulsively
Didn
Devastated
Back
Depression
Many
Anxiety
Great
Killing
Love
Absolutely
People
Sex

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Humans can always accept themselves unconditionally.
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Spirit and soul is horseshit of the worst sort. Obviously there are no fairies, no Santa Clauses, no spirits. What there is, is human goals and purposes as noted by sane existentialists. But a lot of transcendentalists are utter screwballs.
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You largely constructed your depression. It wasn't given to you. Therefore, you can deconstruct it.
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Eating is always a decision, nobody forces your hand to pick up food and put it into your mouth.
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And just as two wrongs don't make a right, rage against offenders is probably the worst way to try to correct them.
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People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness. They always have the power to think, and to think about their thinking, and to think about thinking about their thinking, which the goddamn dolphin, as far as we know, can't do. Therefore they have much greater ability to change themselves than any other animal has.
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You have only to exist as you do and to live your life as best you can.
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Much of what we call emotion is nothing more or less than a certain kind - a biased, prejudiced, or strongly evaluative kind - of thought.
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Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human.
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By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed.
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As a result of my philosophy, I wasn't even upset about Hitler. I was willing to go to war to knock him off, but I didn't hate him. I hated what he was doing.
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You have considerable power to construct self-helping thoughts, feelings and actions as well as to construct self-defeating behaviors. You have the ability, if you use it, to choose healthy instead of unhealthy thinking, feeling and acting.
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Stop shoulding on yourself
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Even when people act nastily to you, don't condemn them or retaliate.
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Most people would have given up when faced with all the criticism I've received over the years.
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Convince yourself that worrying about many situations will make them worse rather than improve them.
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In fact most of what we call anxiety is overconcern about what someone thinks of you.
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The goal of all life is to have a ball.
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This, perhaps, goes to show that conditional self-esteem, as I have said for many years, is an insidious, real sickness, so much so that even Buddhists carelessly sneak it in and sometimes encourage their clients to achieve it.
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I would like to be remembered as one of the individuals who founded, ideologically and practically, cognitive behavior therapy and who pioneered multimodal or integrated therapy.
Albert Ellis