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Let's suppose somebody abused you sexually. You still had a choice, though not a good one, about what to tell yourself about the abuse.

Albert Ellis

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Albert Ellis
Age: 93 †
Born: 1913
Born: September 27
Died: 2007
Died: July 24
Behaviour Therapist
Cognitive Scientist
Non-Fiction Writer
Psychologist
Sex Educator
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Stills
Sexually
Still
Suppose
Good
Abuse
Choice
Somebody
Choices
Though
Tell
Abused

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I would have liked having children to some degree, but frankly I haven't got the time to take the kids to the goddamn ballgame. So it would have had more disadvantages than advantages for them.
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I had a great many sex and love cases where people were absolutely devastated when somebody with whom they were compulsively in love didn't love them back. They were killing themselves with anxiety and depression.
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I had used eclectic therapy and behavior therapy on myself at the age of 19 to get over my fear of public speaking and of approaching young women in public.
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Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it's conditional.
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You never truly need what you want. That is the main and thoroughgoing key to serenity.
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I regret that I've been so busy with clinical work that I haven't been able to spend much time on experiments and outcome studies.
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There's no evidence whatsoever that men are more rational than women or that men are more willing to surrender their irrational beliefs. Both sexes seem to be equally irrational.
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I think it's unfair, but they have the right as fallible, screwed-up humans to be unfair that's the human condition.
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The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own.
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In fact most of what we call anxiety is overconcern about what someone thinks of you.
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We can't change the past, so we change how people are thinking, feeling and behaving today.
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In the old days we used to get more referrals, because people had insurance that paid for therapy. Now they belong to HMOs, and we can only be affiliated with a few HMOs.
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I don't recommend that people speak their minds to their bosses or to somebody who's directly over them. You need to know when to speak your mind and what the penalty will be for doing so. Sometimes it's worth it, and often it's not!
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You have considerable power to construct self-helping thoughts, feelings and actions as well as to construct self-defeating behaviors. You have the ability, if you use it, to choose healthy instead of unhealthy thinking, feeling and acting.
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Religious creeds encourage some of the craziest kinds of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors and favor severe manifestations of neurosis, borderline personality states, and sometimes even psychosis.
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Rational beliefs bring us closer to getting good results in the real world.
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People and things do not upset us. Rather, we upset ourselves by believing that they can upset us.
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The attitude of unconditional self-acceptance is probably the most important variable in their long-term recovery.
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Stop shoulding on yourself
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The goal...is not to change your desires and wishes but to persuade you to stop demanding that you absolutely must have what you wish-from yourself, from others, and from the world. You can by all means keep your wishes, preferences, and desires, but unless you prefer to remain needlessly anxious, not your grandiose demands.
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