Quote

People could rationally decide that prolonged relationships take up too much time and effort and that they'd much rather do other kinds of things. But most people are afraid of rejection.

Albert Ellis

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Albert Ellis
Age: 93 †
Born: 1913
Born: September 27
Died: 2007
Died: July 24
Behaviour Therapist
Cognitive Scientist
Non-Fiction Writer
Psychologist
Sex Educator
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Kind
Decide
Things
Relationships
Time
Kinds
People
Afraid
Effort
Rationally
Rather
Prolonged
Take
Rejection
Much
Dating

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Let's suppose somebody abused you sexually. You still had a choice, though not a good one, about what to tell yourself about the abuse.
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If people stopped looking on their emotions as ethereal, almost inhuman processes, and realistically viewed them as being largely composed of perceptions, thoughts, evaluations, and internalized sentences, they would find it quite possible to work calmly and concertedly at changing them.
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I would have liked having children to some degree, but frankly I haven't got the time to take the kids to the goddamn ballgame.
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The great majority of the things we now make ourselves panicked about are self-created 'dangers' that exist almost entirely in our own imaginations.
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I don't recommend that people speak their minds to their bosses or to somebody who's directly over them. You need to know when to speak your mind and what the penalty will be for doing so. Sometimes it's worth it, and often it's not!
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Freud had a gene for inefficiency, and I think I have a gene for efficiency.
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Most people would have given up when faced with all the criticism I've received over the years.
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The attitude of unconditional self-acceptance is probably the most important variable in their long-term recovery.
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I'm very happy. I like my work and I like the various aspects of it - going around the world, teaching the gospel according to St. Albert - I like that. And seeing clients, doing group therapy, writing books.
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People got insights into what was bothering them, but they hardly did a damn thing to change.
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Is self-esteem a sickness? That's according to the way you define it. In the usual way it is defined by people and by psychologists, I'd say that it is probably the greatest emotional disturbance known to man and woman.
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And just as two wrongs don't make a right, rage against offenders is probably the worst way to try to correct them.
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This, perhaps, goes to show that conditional self-esteem, as I have said for many years, is an insidious, real sickness, so much so that even Buddhists carelessly sneak it in and sometimes encourage their clients to achieve it.
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The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own.
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Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human.
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Most things worth having require some sacrifice, usually more than you expect.
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The trouble with most therapy is that it helps you feel better. But you don't get better. You have to back it up with action, action, action.
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People and things do not upset us. Rather, we upset ourselves by believing that they can upset us.
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Unless, of course, you insist on identifying yourself with the people and things you love and thereby seriously disturb yourself.
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When people change their irrational beliefs to undogmatic flexible preferences, they become less disturbed.
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