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I think it's unfair, but they have the right as fallible, screwed-up humans to be unfair that's the human condition.

Albert Ellis

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Albert Ellis
Age: 93 †
Born: 1913
Born: September 27
Died: 2007
Died: July 24
Behaviour Therapist
Cognitive Scientist
Non-Fiction Writer
Psychologist
Sex Educator
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Think
Fallible
Thinking
Screwed
Unfair
Condition
Conditions
Human
Humans
Right

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The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own.
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If people stopped looking on their emotions as ethereal, almost inhuman processes, and realistically viewed them as being largely composed of perceptions, thoughts, evaluations, and internalized sentences, they would find it quite possible to work calmly and concertedly at changing them.
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I thought foolishly that Freudian psychoanalysis was deeper and more intensive than other, more directive forms of therapy, so I was trained in it and practiced it.
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Worrying about dying will hardly help you live.
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You have only to exist as you do and to live your life as best you can.
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When I started to get disillusioned with psychoanalysis I reread philosophy and was reminded of the constructivist notion that Epictetus had proposed 2,000 years ago: People are disturbed not by events that happen to them, but by their view of them. I could see how that applied to many of my clients.
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To err is human to forgive people and yourself for poor behavior is to be sensible and realistic.
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Freud had a gene for inefficiency, and I think I have a gene for efficiency.
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Lack of forgiveness of others breeds lack of self-forgiveness.
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People got insights into what was bothering them, but they hardly did a damn thing to change.
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People could rationally decide that prolonged relationships take up too much time and effort and that they'd much rather do other kinds of things. But most people are afraid of rejection.
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Unless, of course, you insist on identifying yourself with the people and things you love and thereby seriously disturb yourself.
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Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human.
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Whatever may be, I am still largely the creator and ruler of my emotional destiny.
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You never truly need what you want. That is the main and thoroughgoing key to serenity.
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Neurosis is just a high-class word for whining.
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If you would stop, really stop, damning yourself, others, and unkind conditions, you would find it almost impossible to upset yourself emotionally - about anything. Yes, anything.
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We'd better work hard on getting rid of that must - Other people must do what I want them to do! It's what makes people hostile, nasty, mean and combative, and it leads to feuds, wars and genocide. We'd better do something about that.
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People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness. They always have the power to think, and to think about their thinking, and to think about thinking about their thinking, which the goddamn dolphin, as far as we know, can't do. Therefore they have much greater ability to change themselves than any other animal has.
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I had a great many sex and love cases where people were absolutely devastated when somebody with whom they were compulsively in love didn't love them back. They were killing themselves with anxiety and depression.
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