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Being a screenwriter in Hollywood is like being a eunuch at an orgy. Worse, actually, at least the eunuch is allowed to watch.
Albert Brooks
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Albert Brooks
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 22
Actor
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Beverly Hills
California
Albert Lawrence Brooks
Albert Lawrence Einstein
A. Brooks
Allowed
Worse
Hollywood
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Eunuch
Actually
Eunuchs
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Orgy
More quotes by Albert Brooks
If anything happens to me, tell every woman I've ever gone with I was talking about her at the end. That way, they'll have to reevaluate me.
Albert Brooks
I like movies about failing.
Albert Brooks
If I'm going to act in someone's movie, I want the movie to be interesting and be able to get a couple of solid doubles.
Albert Brooks
I can't not put humor in a book.
Albert Brooks
I've never been disappointed, because I've never given somebody I liked that much power.
Albert Brooks
I've always liked to think ahead. Not stupid-far ahead. A hundred years doesn't interest me. But 20 years interests me, and more for what happens to humans as opposed to things.
Albert Brooks
I'm not a big fan of the post-Armageddon stories, where Denzel Washington is walking around in a torn coat.
Albert Brooks
I don't experience basic human emotions. It's not my thing.
Albert Brooks
When I went to acting school, the kids that got the best grades were the kids that could cry on cue. But it didn't really translate into careers for any of them, because the external is the easy part.
Albert Brooks
Most entertainment is trying to get you. It's tested, like toothpaste.
Albert Brooks
If you want to be a writer, just write. There's no magic to it.
Albert Brooks
Getting older is a lot of fun. Right up there with chewing glass or putting your hand in a blender.
Albert Brooks
It's interesting when you're part of a group - the Jews, to be exact - that the world has had such problems with.
Albert Brooks
Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive?
Albert Brooks
I got so good at writing to a budget, my brain was restricting myself. I'd write, It's a stormy night. Then I'd cross out stormy. I'd write: It's a calm night. Then I'd cross out night. It's noon. Because you know how much night costs. You know how much rain costs. Nothing comes free in movies.
Albert Brooks
Once you sign on as an actor, you know, you don't go to the editing room, you don't see how they cut, you don't see how they score, you don't see how they cast the rest of the movie.
Albert Brooks
I've always been the king of silence. I've always been a minimalist comedian. I've taken my influence from Jack Benny, who was the king of that I've always done 'less is more.'
Albert Brooks
Even though my father was a radio comedian, it wasn't cool to say, at a young age, 'I want to be a comedian.'
Albert Brooks
You know, I became a director out of necessity. I was writing comedies, and I couldn't find anybody to deliver it correctly.
Albert Brooks
If you look at the best-seller list for American fiction, they're all sequels to detective stories or stories about hunting serial killers. That's what's called American fiction these days.
Albert Brooks