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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
Alan King
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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
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Brooklyn
New York
House
Frowned
Problem
Theft
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Coverage
Lawyer
Shouldn
Caught
Fire
Wrong
More quotes by Alan King
You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
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