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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Shouldn
Caught
Fire
Wrong
House
Frowned
Problem
Theft
Kind
Coverage
Lawyer

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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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