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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Life
Pleasures
Eggs
Sex
Except
Second
Food
Thickly
Pleasure
Salami
Better
Sliced

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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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