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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
Alan King
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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Life
Pleasures
Eggs
Sex
Except
Second
Food
Thickly
Pleasure
Salami
Better
Sliced
More quotes by Alan King
As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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